March 23 -- Forgiveness and Letting Go
Warm-up Journal: Write about a time when you forgave someone or someone forgave you? Describe what happened and how you felt. What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.
Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. One doesn't have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender.
Forgiveness is vitally important for the mental health of those who have been victimized. It propels people forward rather than keeping them emotionally engaged in an injustice or trauma. Forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and guard against anger, stress, anxiety, and depression. Carrying the hurt or anger of an offense leads the body to release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. Eliminating the perpetual flow of those hormones may also explain why forgiveness provides physical health benefits, such as lowering the risk of high blood pressure and heart problems.
Scientific studies are showing that forgiveness:
- Reduce depression
- Increase hopefulness
- Decrease anger
- Improve spiritual connection
- Increase emotional self-confidence
- Decrease health and mental problems
- Decrease the physical symptoms of stress
Ted Talk
I love this video. It's powerful and moving. She, Sarah, has so many good things to say about forgiveness. Write a paragraph about what you took away from the video? For example, what did you learn, or what did you already know that she reinforced? E-mail your response to me please.
Answer the following two questions:
What do you notice physically about how you feel when you hold onto anger, resentment or guilt? What do you notice physically about how you feel when you forgive?
How to Forgive Someone Who Has Wronged You
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when the offending party offers either an insincere apology or nothing at all. However, it's often the healthiest path forward. A prominent model, put forth by psychologist Robert Enright, delineates four steps to forgiveness. The first is to uncover your anger by exploring how you've avoided or addressed the emotion. The second is to make the decision to forgive. Begin by acknowledging that ignoring or coping with the offense hasn't worked, therefore forgiveness might provide a path forward. Third, cultivate forgiveness by developing compassion for the offender. Reflect on whether the act was due to malicious intent or challenging circumstances in the offender's life. Lastly, release the harmful emotions and reflect on how you may have grown from the experience and the act of forgiveness itself.
How to Forgive Yourself
Forgiving another person is one thing, but what happens when we commit the offense ourselves? It's important to take responsibility for mistakes, but intense guilt and share aren't a desirable outcome in the long run. Forgiving yourself may seem like an ambiguous process, but a few concrete steps can help. Begin by acknowledging that you are at fault and take responsibility for the hurt you caused. Then reflect on why the event occurred: Which forces were in your control and which were outside of your control? Extract the lessons you learned and identify how to avoid committing a similar offense in the future.
After such reflection, forgive yourself by focusing on the thought, saying it aloud, or even writing it down. The final step of the process, when another person is involved, is to apologize to the person you have wronged and take action to improve their life in a meaningful way.
Some wisdom: It isn't always necessary to forgive someone entirely. Sometimes that is impossible. If there is someone you need to forgive, start slowly, maybe 5 percent, then 20 percent, and so on and so forth.
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